Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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