Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
