Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
