Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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