Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
