I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
