I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
