apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
