Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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