My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
