you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
