my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
