Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
only if we run a train.
done.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
