I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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