i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
