I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Small penises have feelings too.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
