He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
