You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
