"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
