I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
