I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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