You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
