Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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