dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
