Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
