he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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