Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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