I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
