If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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