just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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