make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
