it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
