you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
