While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
