Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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