My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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