Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she peed on how many people?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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