nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
