Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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