i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
love makes seman taste better
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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