I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
