She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
