we have officially lost it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
