Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
