why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's blow job season.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
