Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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