...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
