I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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