Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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