I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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