Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
