Betty ford says i'm here all night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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