before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
