i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
