her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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