we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
