my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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