i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
