Please, let me fuck your mom
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
