I wish I could teleport
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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