Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
