hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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