Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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