Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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