Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize