if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
