If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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