Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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