No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize