things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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