i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
