i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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