i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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