apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
