Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
